Will You Be Yours?
Like many of you, I've had a rocky relationship with Valentine's Day.
Since we passed out little heart candies and "Will You Be Mine?" cards to our 3rd grade classmates, this particular holiday seemed relevant only if you had someone else to love. And by extension, had someone else to love you.
What poor relationship messaging to sort through as an adult, right?
I will say, my Mom never missed this holiday opportunity to let my sisters and I know we were loved, and I am better for it (thanks, Mom!).
But I've had many'a sour V-Days, mainly because I was made to feel like being a single woman was a general embarrassment. To myself and all of mankind.
Luckily, I un-learned that damaging notion years ago (thank the heavens for growth in our 30s!). And this year, just before V-Day, I emphasized self-love a little more formally.
I was invited to be a guest on Hollywood Wolfpack to discuss my 5+ years of experience in the entertainment industry.
I was thrilled to receive the invitation last December, and we set the date for February.
Then, the week of the interview came and I thought.. oh. no. Oh. No.
Oh No! I am not ready! I can't be interviewed! Much less, LIVE in front of Entertainment Business School students! My nerves and "ums" will overshadow anything useful I might have to say!
Y'all, I went from "thrilled" to "terrified".
And those of you who've listened to the The 5-Point Compass Podcast, know immediately that this is an oh-so-typical call from the HEART.
So I did what any of us do, when we let fear (the opposite of love) drive us: I ran. In the opposite direction. Away from where my heart was calling me toward. Pulled up my over-sized hoodie and threw on my tinted shades so no one could recognize my great escape.
I emailed Kaia Alexander - the podcast host - to ask if we could reschedule.
"Sure," she said. "But I'm booked through March, so let's do April?"
Dohhh.
Before I could even let my mind enter the chat,
Spirit said, "DO IT NOW."
Arghhh!
Good ole' Spirit, man. In classic form, it used clear, concise words to sit my fearful self down, lovingly shut me up and nudge me to show up for myself...
through the fear,
through the self-doubt,
through the insecurity.
And it makes sense, right?
Isn't that what I expect of my partner?
To show up for ME when things are scary, nerve-racking and uncomfortable?
How could I expect HIM to be ten-toes down (as the kids say) for me, when I'm not willing to be all-in for myself? Like be fa' real! (Another thing the kids say.)
My nieces keep my finger on the pulse. ?
Double sigh.
So just like that, I re-confirmed the original date, and a few days later I was braided up on camera with my ring light as the sun, against a blurred background. I looked into the Brady Bunch grid of 20 or so adult-students and was immediately... energized!
Still nervous, but invigorated.
Lucky for me, the students' energy was so bright and warm that I had no choice but to meet their eagerness with the same enthusiasm (hello Universe).
And just like that, y'all, I fell in love with myself a little more.
With every "uhm", every stutter, every backtrack, I could feel all 5 Points of my Compass register,
"You're alive, my love.
You're right where you belong.
Where life delights + frightens you.
Be where your heart calls you."
And with the release of the episode dropping right before Valentine's Day, it all makes perfect sense that the HEART would show up all bossy and territorial *eye roll*.
So yeah. In all your sweet treats and heart-shaped goodies OR all your eye-rolls and deep sighs, I'm sending you a little reminder to shower your number one Valentine (YOU!) with a lot of love on V-Day and listen up for the calls of your heart.
Every day.
Especially when it's hard.
Especially when it's uncomfortable.
Especially when you feel like putting someone else up to the task.
Until next time, be well, be true, be yours.
~DelinaDream